chuck norris facts

Non Boxing Off Topic
1

dunno if any of u have seen these before but i think they are hillarious so i thought id post some

top 10 - 01 Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
02 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
03 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
04 If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
05 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
06 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
07 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08 Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
09 They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take shit from anybody.
10 A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

and some other funny ones
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

Chuck Norris’ iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord - one of my faves simply because i got a proper charger with my ipod whereas all my mates and everyone i know who has an i pod got a usb cord haha

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn’t Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus’ birthday.

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.

2

i like it mate. my boss is the spitting image of chuck norris. it cracks me up big time. i’m always winding him up calling him chuck. my mate calls him lone wolf or night wolf (which ever was the chuck movie. i forget). my boss also looks like barney rubble (thats fred flinstone’s mate). we call him that aswell.

3

Haha love it!! cc ;D

4

I’m really tired about hearing all the chuck norris stuff it got old like 2 years ago when it started.

5

ye fair enuff i saw them ages ago but forgot bout them all and they still made me laugh when i found the site again

6

Lol mellow out..Its funny :stuck_out_tongue:

7

Wouldn’t be so bad if i didn’t used to hang out with someone that would say dozens of them everyday.

8

the last two days me and my mate have been sending each other quotes from anchorman non-stop lol

9

I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You might want to find a close friend or relative and lay low for awhile.

10

Now that is a great movie. ;D lol he just stands in the middle of a street fight with a hand grenade and yells. One of the funniest scenes ever.

11

hahaha

i love poetry , the odd glass of scotch and of course my friend baxter here

lmfao

12

kicks dog Thats how i roll.

13

BAXTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

NO!!!

14

I LAUGHED! (chuck norris did not)

15

Ill always be gratefull to chuck for introducing me to the total gym

16

Why’d you say that Ron? Why? You’re my hero. And you say something dirty. Like poop. Poop mouth. I hate you Ron Burgundy, I hate you! ;D ;D

17

Ron Burgundy: Wait, Veronica, please tell me this is some kind of sick tasteless joke.

Veronica Corningstone: You weren’t here. Why are you being this way? Why can’t you just be proud of me as a peer and my gentleman lover?

Ron Burgundy: I can’t believe you did this to me. You read my news.

Veronica Corningstone: I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. I told you that.

Ron Burgundy: I thought you were kidding. I thought it was a joke, I even wrote it down in my diary. “Veronica had a very funny joke today.” I laughed at it later that night.

Veronica Corningstone: I can’t believe that I cared for you.

Ron Burgundy: Get out. Just go. We are through. Through. Because of your actions, you scorpion woman.

18

Ron Burgundy: You stay classy, San Diego. I’m Ron Burgundy?

Ed Harken: Dammit. Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter? !

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Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly… I mean, that really got out of hand fast.

Champ Kind: It jumped up a notch.

Ron Burgundy: It did, didn’t it?

Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.

Ron Burgundy: I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?

Brick Tamland: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.

Ron Burgundy: Brick, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative
close by. Lay low for a while, because you’re probably wanted for murder.

Ron Burgundy: Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?

Brick Tamland: I don’t know.

20

Hope these help ;D

Fatburger...